Best Messages Status Jokes SMS for Android

Husband: Mujhe Ajeeb Si Bimari
Ho Gayi Hai,
Jab Meri Biwi Bolti Hai To Mujhe
Kuch Sunaai Nahi Deta..
Hakim: Mashaallah Ye Bimari Nahi,
Tum Par Allah Ki Rehmat Hui Hai!

***********************************

 Ek Santa Ko Koi Mobile Pe Tang
Kar Raha Tha, Santa Ne New
Sim Khareed Kar Usko Sms Kiya..
Maine Wo Number Band Kar Diya
Hai, Ab Tera Baap Bhi
Mujhe Tang Nahi Kar Sakta..!

 ***********************************

 Ek chota sa raasta bhi mushkil
mehsoos hota hai,
Jab koi saath chalne wala na ho..
Lekin kabhi kabhi ek bada aur
mushkil raasta bhi chaar kadmo me
simat jaata
hai..
Jab
Kutta piche laga ho
Moral - me kabhi emotional quotes
post nahi karta...

 ***********************************

 Santa court mein judge se:
Aaj tak meri itni insult nahi
hui,
meri nai padson ne mujhe
nahate hue dekh lia he!
Judge: to tum kya chahte ho?
Santa: Badla.



1 juth aapki zindgi ke 5 min kam kar
deta hai,
Aur
1 muskurahat aapki zindgi ke 10 min
badha deti hai,
Moral: Haste Haste juth bolo to bhi 5
min ka faayda hai.

 ***********************************

Boy: Sir Gandhiji K sir par Baal Kyu
Nahi the
Teacher: Intelligent aadmi ki nishani
hai
Boy: Ha.! Ha.! Tabhi Ladkiyo ke itne
Lambe Baal hote h.

 ***********************************

Santa ke ghar sasural wale aye.
Biwi ne kaha:
"Mehmaano ke liye jakar bahar se
kuch le aao"
Santa bahar gaya
aur
TAXI leke aya.
What an IDEA Santa ji...

 ***********************************

Jaate Jaate Wo Koi Achchi Nisani De Gaye,
Umar Bhar Daura Saku Aisi Kahani De Gaye,
Hum To Rah Gaye Pyase,
Par Humari Palko Ko Wo Pani De Gaye.

 ***********************************

DABANG Style:
SIR:- Pankaj tumhare saare
answers
galat hain..
Pankaj:- kamaal karte ho
sir ji.. marks hi to maang rahe hain..
pyar se de do warna thappad
maar ke bhi le sakte hain....!
SIR:- Battamiz.. !!!
Pankaj:- Battamiz se yaad aaya
sir aapke pitaji kaise hain??
SIR:- nikal ja class se..!!!
Pankaj:- Chup-chap marks
de do..
warna anwers sheet mein itne
chedd karunga ki confuze ho jaoge
ki fail
kahan likhe aur zero
kahaan dein..

***********************************

ZaRRe-ZaRRe
Me JiSKe NooR THa
"MeRi" MoHaBBaT
Se "Wo" KoSo DooR THa
RoTe RaHe "JiSKe"
LiYe "ViRaNo" Me TaNHa
Wo "KiSi" AuR Ki
MoHaBBaT Me CHooR THa. ♥♥♥
♡♡♡
#MANJ

 ***********************************

Jee karta hai aap ke pass aau,
Paas aake ruk jau,
Na kuch bolu Na batau bus
Aap Ki AANKHO ME,
Ha inhi Aankho me..
SANTRE KA CHILKA NICHOD KK BHAG
JAU.

 ***********************************

School ka wo last day jab sari ladkiya
saree me aati hai. We all have a feeling
ki ye bhi itni sunder hai. School dress
me pata hi nahi chala yaar.

***********************************

Wife- sunoji ladka bahut paise udane
laga h,
jaha bhi chhupati hu dhoondh leta hai.
Dad- nalayak ki book me rakh
de.......
exam tak nhi milega...........

 ***********************************

Beauty of ENGLISH-
Ever noticed how deleting one word
after another in a sentence can lead to
a nice story ? Here's an example:
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at all .!"
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at..!"
"Oh Jack plz dont touch..!"
"Oh Jack plz dont..!"
"Oh Jack plz...!"
"Oh Jack.. !"
"Oh....!"
"O....!"

*********************************** 

1000 pages ki book kitne din me padhi
ja sakti h,
WRITER- 6 months
DOCTOR- 2 months
LAWYER- 1 month
Engg. student-ye batao exam kab
hai..raat bhar mai nipta denge

 ***********************************

Warning..!!
Doctor advised plz
Don’t drink water after eating
fish bcoz Fish start swimming &
causes
gudgudi in stomach

 ***********************************

Ek Aurat ki aankh sooji hui thi
padosan: kua hua
aurat : pati ne mara
padosan: lekin tumhare pati to delhi gaye hue the,
Aurat : maine bhi yahi socha tha. Lekin wo bed ke niche nikle.

 ***********************************

Santa bimar padha to usne apne dost banta ko apni
asthayi roop se kaam karne ke liye laga diya.
Jisse baad mein koi janjhat na ho.
Banta ki patni santa ko dekhne gayi to us tassali dete hue boli.
Naukri ki chinta mat karo. Manager bahut kush h.
wo tumse kahi acchi tarah kaam kar rahe h.

 ***********************************

Ek doctor jab bhi kisi ghar mein jata,
to log uske samne apni kisi na kis bimari ka jikar ched dete,
aur ilaaj ke bare mein uski salah pucthe,.
Usne tang hokar ek tarkib nikal li.
Ab koi bhi usse tabiyat ki kehta to wo kehte hai,
aap kamre mein jakar apde nikal lo mein abhi aata hu.

 ***********************************

Aye moj-e-hawa,Ab tu hi bata,
Wo yar hamara kaisa hai?
Jo bhool gaya hum ko kab se,
Wo jaan se pyara kaisa hai ?
Kia us ko jeewan lamho mein,
Koi lamha mera baqi hai ?
Kia uski jaagti aankhon main,
Meri yaad se phaili udasi hai ?
Kia wo bhi meri tarah yun hi,
Shab bhar jaga kerta hai ?
Kia wo bhi saya-e-rehmat main,
Hamain RAB se manga karta hai ?
Agar aisa nahi to tu hi bata,
Hum yaad use Kion kertay hain ?
Wo humse bicher ker khush hai agar,
To hum pal pal kion marte hain ?

 ***********************************

Ek Faqeer tha…
Bheekh maangne ke liye masjid ke bahar
baitha tha..
Sab namaazi Ankh bacha kar chale gaye
Aur use kuchh na mila.
Wo phir church gaya,
Phir mandir
Or
Phir gurudware.
Lekin, usko kisi ne kuch na diya..
Aakhir mein wo Ek Beer bar ke bahar aa
kar baith gaya..
Jo bhi sharabi bahar nikalte
woh uske katore me kuch daal dete..
Uska katora noto se bhar gaya…
Fakir bola.
“Waah re Prabhu”
Rehte kahan ho, Aur Address kahan ka Dete ho..!

 ***********************************

दो बाते हमेशा याद रखना:
पहली बात: हर इन्सान
इतना बुरा नहीं होता जितना पैन
कार्ड और आधार कार्ड में दीखता है।
और
इतना भी अच्छा नहीं होता जितना फेसबुक
और व्हाट्सएप्प पर दीखता है
दूसरी बात: हर
आदमी इतना बुरा नहीं होता जितना उसकी बीवी उसको समझती है..और
इतना अच्छा भी नहीं होता जितना उसकी माँ उसको समझती है
बोला था ना कसम से बचपन से
intelligent हूँ
पर कभी घमंड नहीं किया.. 

***********************************

Teacher:Bade ho kar tum kya karoge?
Student: Ji shaadi.
Teacher: Mera matalab, kya banoge?
Student: Ji dulha.
Teacher: Are, mera matlab hai, kya hasil karoge?
Student: Ji DULHAN.

 ***********************************

एक बुढ़िया सिनेमा हाल में कोल्ड-ड्रिंक की बोतल लेके बैठी थी। कभी 15 मिनट में मुँह को लगाती, तो कभी 20 मिनट में।
यह देखकर पास बैठे सरदार को गुस्सा आ गया। उसने बुढ़िया से बोतल छीनी और पूरी एक घूट में पीकर बोला: ऐसे पीते हैं।
बुढ़िया: पर बेटा मैं तो पान थूक रही थी....;)

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

***********************************

Ek Maa ki request hai
Plz ye msg itna felao ke us ke beto tak pahuch jaye..
Beta RAMESH aur SURESH Pitaji ki Patlun
ek Bilaan choti ho Gyi ho to Ghar wapas aa jao.

***********************************

Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.
Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.


***********************************

Ladki ne Ice Cream Mangwaya to Boyfriend ne kharid liya.
Ladki: Thank U
Ladka: Sirf Thank U
Ladki: Tumhe Kiss Chahiye na?
Ladka: Arrey Romance Ki Bhuki, Aadhi Icecream De.

 ***********************************

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

 ***********************************

Ajit: Robert, is aadmi ko legao aur iske jhangiye me time bomb laga do.
Robert: kyon boss?
Ajit: Abe, na rahegi jaan aur na rahegi jhangiya.

***********************************

Robert and Ajit going in a ship
suddenly there is a hole in the ship.....
robert: ab kya hoga boss?
ajit: ek aur hole kardo !
robert: magar kyon boss?
ajit: ek hole par 'in' likho aur doosre par 'out'!

 ***********************************

जिंदगी ने सवाल बदल डाले,
वक़्त ने हालात बदल डाले,
हम तो आज भी वही है जो कल थे,
बस लोगों ने अपने ज़ज्बात बदल डाले ।

 ***********************************




Girl meri jeans 2000 ki hai. Mera top 3000 ka hai.
Mere jute 1500 ke hain.
Boy bus kar.. Phle chain band kar pagli..
20 rupye wali chaddi dikh rahi hai.




Post a Comment

0 Comments