Santa Banta Jokes - Funny SMS in Hindi & English

संता का सिर फट गया।
बंता- ये कैसे हुआ?
संता- मैं चप्पल से पत्थर तोड़ रहा था, मुझे एक आदमी ने बोला 'कभी खोपड़ी' का इस्तेमाल कर लिया करो!

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 संता- बंता लड़की और लड़के में क्या अंतर होता है? बंता- देख लड़की अपनी सारी उम्मीदें एक लड़के से रखती है, और लड़के सारी लड़कियों से एक ही उम्मीद रखते हैं।

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 बंता: सबसे बड़ा चैलेंज क्या है?
बंता का बेटा: एग्जाम में पेपर खाली छोड़कर लास्ट में लिख देना..
….कि हिम्मत है तो पास करके दिखा!

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 संता किसी बीयर बार में गया. उसने एक स्कॉच का पैग मंगवाया.
पैग पीने के बाद अपनी कमीज की जेब में देखा और स्कॉच का एक और पैग मंगवाया.
इसी तरह बार-बार वह अपनी जेब देखता और स्कॉच का ऑर्डर देता. बार का वेटर यह देखकर परेशान हो गया.
वेटर: दोस्त! मैं तुम्हें पूरी रात शराब पिलाऊंगा पर तुम मुझे बस इतना बता दो कि ड्रिंक मांगने से पहले अपनी जेब में क्या देख रहे हो?
संता: मैं अपनी पत्नी की फोटो को देख रहा हूं....
जब वो मुझे अच्छी दिखने लगेगी तब मैं समझूंगा की अब घर जाने का समय हो गया है.!!



 बंता ने मक्खी के पैर तोड़ कर कहा…
“जा उड़ जा”!…
लेकिन मक्खी नहीं उड़ी....
बंता: इससे साबित होता है कि मक्खी के पैर तोड़ दिए जाएं तो मक्खी सुन नहीं सकती.!

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 टीचर: अगर अपना कैरेक्टर सुधारना चाहते हो
तो अपनी टीचर को मां समझो….
संता: मैडम इससे तो हमारे पापा का कैरेक्टर खराब होगा….!!

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 Santa: Chal Race Lagte Hai Jo
Haara Wo 1000 Rs. Dega..
Banta: Thik Hai Par Mujhe
Raasta Nhi Pata, Santa: Bas Tu
Mere Piche Piche Rehna. Banta:
Thanks Yaar Ur My Best Fend...!

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 Manager: What Is Your
Qualification..?
Santa: Sir I Am PHSD..
Manager: What Do U Mean By
PHSD..?
Santa: Passed Hight School
With Difficulty..!

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 Jeeto: What Do U Think About
Our Love..?
Santa: Try To Count The Stars
In The Sky..
Jeeto: Wow, So Its Infinite..
Santa: No Baby,
Its A Waste Of Time..!

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 Do Ladke Santa Ke Saath
Motorcycle Per Jaa Rahe
They. Policeman Ne Hath
Dikhakar Rok Liya. Santa
Oye! Pehle Hi Teen Baithe
Hain, Ab Tu Kaha Bethega!

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 Ek Raat Ek Chor Santa Ke
Ghar Me Ghus Gaya Aur
Bola: Sona Kaha Hai? Santa
Neend Mein: Are Yaar,
Pura Ghar Khaali Pada Hai,
Kahi Bhi Jaake Soja..!

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 Ek Din Santa Ne Apni Premika
Ko Himmat Jutakar Keh Dala
I Love You. Premika (Gusse Se)
Jara Pyar Se Nahi Keh Sakte?
Santa: I Love You Didi!!

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Autowala To Santa: Sahab, 100 Rupaye
Ho Gaye. Santa Ne 50 Rupaye Autowale
Ko De Diye.
Autowala: Sahab Ye To Gundagardi Hai,
Meter Ki Hisab Se 100 Rupaye Hue Hai.
Santa: Tu Bhi To Baithkar Aaya Hai,
Tera Kiraya Bhi Kya Mujhe Dena Parega!

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Santa: Papa! Shaadi Me Kul
Milakar Kitna Kharch Hota
Hai?
Pita: Pata Nahi Beta, Mai
Abhi Tak Chuka Raha Hu.

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 Santa: Oye!what R U Doing?
Banta: Recording This Baby’s Voice.
Santa: Why?
Banta: When He Grows Up, I Shall
Ask Him What He Meant By This.

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 Santa: Yaar Banta Hamare Beach
Kya Relation Hai?
Banta: Yaar Wahi Jo Besan Or
Pakode Ka Hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Kyunki Jab Besan Santa Hai
Tabhi To Pakoda Banta Hai.

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 Santa: Itne Kam Marks? Do
Thappad Marne Chahiye.
Pappu: Haan Papa, Chalo
Maine Us Saale Master Ka
Ghar Bhi Dekh Rakha Hai.

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 Santa Ne Banta Se Kaha, Sabse
Bada Challenge Kya Hai?
Banta Replied: Answer Sheet
Ko Khaali Chod Do Aur Last Me
Likh Dena, Paas Karke Dikha.

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 Mele Me Ghoshna Hui..
Ek Baccha Mila Hai
Jin Ka Hai Aa Kar Le Jaye!
Santa Bheed Me Se Bhaagta
Chilltaa Hua Aaya.. Mujhe
Bhi Dikhao JIN Ka
Baccha Hota Kaisa Hai...!

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 Santa Travelling 1st Time In
Plane Going To Bombay,
While Landing He Shouted..
"Bombay Bombay"
Air Hostess: B Silent Please..
Santa: Ombay - Ombay..!

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 Santa: Pehle Mai Apni Biwi
Ko BA Karwanunga,
Fir MA Fir PHD Karwaunga,
Fir Badhiya Si Naukri
Dilwaunga.. Banta: Fir Acha
Sa Rishta Dekh Ke
Uski Shadi Bhi Karwa Dena..!

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 Santa Apne Father Ke Samne
Cigarette Pi Raha Tha,
Logo Ne Kaha Aap Apne Father
Ke Samne Cigarette Pi Rahe Ho
Sharam Nahi Aati.? Santa:
Sharam Kaisi, Wo Mera Father
Hai Koi Petrol Pump Nahi..!

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 Santa Sharab Pikar Sadhu
Se Takra Gya Sadhu Gusse Me
Aye Murkh Me Tujhe SHRAAP
Deta Hu Santa: Rukiye
Maharaj Me Glas Leke Ata hu.

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 Santa Apni Saaliyon Ke Liye
Chudiyon Lekar Gaya..
Saaliyon Ne Kaha Jijaji Aap
Hi Pehna Do..
Santa: Oye Rabba, Pehle Pata
Hota To Chaddiyan Leke Aata..!

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 Santa Was Busy Removing A
Wheel From His Auto.. A Man
Asked Santa Why Are U Removing
A Wheel From Ur Auto.?
Santa: Cant U Read The Board,
Parking Is Only For 2 Wheelers!

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 Santa Was Writing Something
Very Slowly.. Banta Asked:
Why Are U Writing So Slowly.?
Santa: I'm Writing To My 6yrs
Old Son, He Cant Read Fast..!

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 Ek Bar Santa Tree Se Ulta Latak
Raha Tha Banta: Are Santa Tu
Tree Se Ulta Kyun Latak Raha
He Santa: Yar Mere Sir Dard
Ki Goli Khai He Ab Dar Lag
Raha He Ki Vo Pet Me Na Chali
Jaye To Me Ped Se Ulta Latk Gya.

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 Santa Was Getting Bitten By
Mosquitoes The Whole Night,
He Got Irritated Drank Finite
And Said.. Ab Kaato
Saalon, Sab Ke Sab Maroge..!

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Santa: Doctor, Ye Phoolon Ki
Mala Kis Ke Liye.?
Doctor: Ye Mera Pehla
Operation Hai,
Success Hua To Tumhare
Liye, Nahi To Mere Liye..!

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 Banta: Truck Dekhkar Tum
Kaampte Kyu Ho..?
Santa: Ek Truck Driver Meri
Biwi Lekar Bhaag Gaya Tha,
Har Baar Lagta Hai Jaise
Usko Wapas Karne Aaya Hai!

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 A Santa Enters Shop Shouts..
Where Is My Free Gift With This Oil.?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath Koi Gift Nahi
Hai Bhai Saab..
Sardar: Oye, Is Pe Likha Hai
CHOLESTROL FREE..!

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 Teacher: Make A Sentence In
Which One Word Repeated 4
Times.?
Santa: Lara Dutta Marries
Brian Lara,
And She Becomes Lara Lara..!

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 Santa: Our New Neighbour Is An
Aam Aadmi Party Member..
Banta: How Do U Know That..?
Santa: Today Morning When 1
Waved My Hand To Her,
She Showed Me The Broom..!

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 Santa Aur Banta Ne Ek Sath Ek
Ladki Ko Propose Kiya.. Ladki
Ne Banta Ko Thappad Mara..
Ab Santa Ki Bari Thi.. Santa
Ne Thoda Dimag Lagaya Aur
Bola.. Santa: Thappad Se Dar
Nahi Lagta, Pyar Se Lagta Hai..

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 Ek Bar Santa Ka Interview Tha
To Us Pucha Gaya K Duniya Ki
Eaisi Konsi Wife H Jisko Ye
Pata Hota H K Uska Husband Kaha
H To Santa Ne Apna Khatarnak
Dimag Lagaya Aur Bola Vidhva Aurat.

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 Santa Jungle Se Gujar Raha Tha,
1 Ajgar Ko Ped Par Latakte Hue
Dekha To, Santa Bola: Is Tarah
Latakne Se Height Nahi Badhegi
Mummy Ko Bolo Complan Pilaye.

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 Santa Apne Patni Jeeto Se:
Agr Tumhe Kuch Ho Gaya To
Main Pagal Ho Jaunga,
Jeeto: Doosre Shaadi To Nhi Karoge,
Santa: Pagal Insaan Ka Kya Hai,
Kuch Bhi Kar Sakta Hai..!!

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 Net Banking Ke Liye Santa Ne
Password Banaya, Ram Sita Laksman
Hanuman Dehli Spiderman,
Banta: Yaar Itna Lamba Password
Kyu Banaya Santa: Yaar Bank Wale
Kahte Hain Ki, Password Mein 5
Carrector 1 Capital, Aur 1
Special Carractor Hona Chahiye

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 Santa: Biwi Se Ladai Khatm
Ho Gyi Kya?
Banta: Haa, Ghutne Tek K
Aayi Thi Mere Paas.
Santa: Achha? Kaise?
Bnta: Boli, Bed K Niche
Se Niklo, Ab Nhi Marungi.

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 Santa Kari Chawal Kha Rha Tha,
Ek Makkhi Us Par Baithne
Lagi.. Santa Use Udate Hue
Bola: Chal Pagli Ye Wo
Nhi H Jo Tu Samajh Rahi Hai..

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 Banta: Yaar 2 Baar Tere
Restaurant Me Aaya, Par Dono
Baar Taala Laga Hua Tha..??
Banta: Tu Lunch Time Me Aaya
Hoga, Us Waqt Main Khana
Khane Ghar Chala Jaata Hoon..!

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 Santa: Yaar Banta Ye Shaadi
Ke Jode Kon Banta Hai..?
Banta: Aasmaan Me Bahgwan Bante Hai,
Santa: O Teri Yaar, Galti Ho Gye
Banta: Kyu..!
Santa: Main To Darji Ko De Aaya..!

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 Santa 500 Ke Note Pe Likha Number
Dial Kar Rha Tha,
Banta: Ye Tum Kya Kar Rhe Ho..?
Santa: Yaar Main Dekh Rha Hoon
Gandhi Ji To Chale Gye Par
Unka Mobile Kise Ke Paas Hai!

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Santa: Yaar Banta Kon Se Cast Ke
Log Desh Ke Acche Nagrik Hote Hai ?
Banta: Yaar Baniye...
Santa: Wo Kaise...?
Banta: Yaar Har Jagha Likha Hota
Hai Desh Ke Acche Nagrik Baniye!

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 Santa Ke Wife Raat Ko Bed Pe
Sokar Boli Aaj Kuch Aisa
Karo Ke Mere Passeney Chuut
Jaye.. Santa Utha
Aur FAN Band Kar Ke So Gya.!

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Santa: I Lost Rs 1000 In A Bet..
Banta: How..?
Santa: On Cricket Match I Bet
Rs 500 And Lost..
Banta: Where Did The Rest Go.?
Santa: I Bet On The Highlight Too!

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 Santa Hotel Me Murga Khane Gaya,
Lekin Murge Ka English Word Bhool
Gaya..
Waiter: What Do U Like To Have Sir.?
Sardar: 1 Plate Egg's Father..!

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 Santa Was Driving Car Very Fast,
Traffic Police Caught Him..
Santa: Sir, I Am Learning Driving..
Police: Without Teacher.?
Santa: Ya, Its Correspondence Course!

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  Teacher: If A Tiger Attacks
Your Mother In Law And Ur
Wife At The Same Time, Whom
Would U Save..?
Santa: Ofcourse The
Tiger, Very Few Are Left!

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 Teacher: Who Is Terrorist.?
Santa: Terrorist Is A
Tourist, Who Comes From
Other Country To Celebrate
Diwali In Our Country..!

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 Santa: Dekh Teri Biwi Ko Saap Kaat
Raha Hai..
Banta: Abey Wo Kaat Nahi Raha,
Uska Zeher Khatam Ho Gaya Hai
To Wo Recharge Karwane Aaya Hai!

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 Police: Hume Aapke Ghar Ki
Talaashi Leni Hai,
Suna Hai Aapke Ghar Me Visfotak
Saamagri Hai..?
Santa: Khabar To Bilkul Pakki Hai,
Par Abhi Wo Maayke Gayi Hui Hai!

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 Santa Says: Duniya Ka Har Ek
Insan Apne Paav Bhigoye Bina
Shyad Smundar Paar Kar Skta Hai,
Lekin Ankhe Bhigoe Bina Pyar Nahi
Kar Skta Aaj Santa Serious Hai.

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 Banta: Week Mai Ek Baar Meri Patni
Se Mera Jhagda Jarur Hota Hai.
Aur Apka?
Santa: Mera Mahine Baad Hota
Hai, Kyuki Mujhe
Salary Mahine Baad Milti Hai.

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 Ek Bar Santa Ek Pandit Se Puchha
Aapke Sar Pe Ye Choti Kyu Hai ?
Pandit Bole Isase Budhhi,
Gyan Aate Hain, Santa Mere Sar
Par To Pura Tata Sky Laga Hai
To Yahaan Budhhi Kyu Nhi Aati.

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 Santa:- What Is A Girlfriend?
Banta:- Addition Of Problems, Subtraction Of Money, Multiplication Of Enemies & Division Of Friends..

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 Banta-Yaar santa TU apen colege ka naam subse alag Rkhana. santa NE College ka naam rakha. SANTA SINGH GIRL COLLEGE 4 BOY'S. 

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 Santa Electric Shop Me-:
2 Pankhe Dena 1 Ladies Or 1 Gents.
Salesman: Pankho Me Ladies Or Gents Nhi Hota
Santa: Kaise Nahi Hota
Ek Bajaj Ka De Or
Ek Usha Ka.

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 Santa Ka Mobile Toilet Me Gir Gya.
.Tbhi Toilet Devta Prakat Hua or 1 Golden Clr Ka Mobile Use Dene Lga.
.Santa Bola: Nhi Mera Mobile Soney Ka Nhi Tha.
.Devta Bola: Abey Gdhe Dho Le Ise. Ye Tera Hi Hai.



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